I am going to stab the next person who rings my doorbell

It's been a long time since I've had a good rant.

So after finally getting the baby down for a nap this morning, she'd been sleeping for maybe half an hour or so when the dog starts going crazy barking. I figured she was just barking at the garbage men or something, but a minute later, the doorbell rings and she really goes nutso. I open the door (because I can never hear the answer to 'who is it?' over all the barking), and it's a random man and woman, and the guy goes, "Is your mom home?" OK...seriously? What the..? I don't know if they thought they were trying to score brownie points or if they were just idiots. I'm leaning towards the latter. I think I must have scowled and said, "Um, NO!" because the guy was all, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you just look so young." Now, I might be willing to delude myself for a moment and concede that I don't look 32, but I know I don't look under 20! My bullshit radar starts officially beeping.

At this point, if I were this guy, I think I would've realized that I f*#ked up bad enough that there's no way in hell I'd sell anything and just said, "Sorry to bother you ma'am, have a nice day" and left. But of course, no, this guy launched into his sorry spiel, asking me if I have any kids ("yeah, I have a baby that you just woke up, jackass"), what I'm going to be for Halloween ("we're going to be salesmen - yar yar yar!") and if I know some random neighbor down the street that he managed to con into buying his crap. Apparently, he's selling some sort of metal cleaner or polish and he proceeds to start polishing the door handle. Did I mention that the dog is still going apeshit in the background and the baby has started wailing as well? After about 15 seconds, I finally handed him back his little brochures and was like, "yeah, my baby is crying, I really don't have time for this" and closed the door.

We usually never get doorknockers, but in the last week or two, I've had some guy claiming to be a high school kid looking to raise money for his baseball team (he looked suspiciously old to be in high school), someone trying to sell me on joining some sort of produce co-op (money up front, of course), and a guy selling stock door-to door. I shit you not. What's next, Jehovah's witnesses? I swear to god, the next yahoo who rings my doorbell trying to hawk some sort of nonsense is really going to get it. We seriously need a "No Solicitors" sign, mainly for their protection.

ETA: I guess this doesn't bode well for Trick or Treaters....