screw you maytag!

OK, I will admit, this rant is technically about a year too late. But lately, I've been seeing this new series of Maytag commercials, you know, the ones with the younger, better-looking version of the Maytag repairman who still doesn't have anything to fix because Maytags are so reliable? Every time I see one of these commercials, I cannot refrain from screaming "F*#K YOU MAYTAG!" at the television. I think my neighbors think I have Tourettes. I can't help it though, those commercials infuriate me. I hate them with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. This is waaayyyy beyond the Bank One nonsense of several years ago. Maytags are complete garbage. Tell your friends. Spread the word.

So here's the story. Three years ago, when Troy first moved to Dallas, he rented a house which did not come with a refrigerator (apparently, this is common down here). I flew down to check out the place and help him get settled (I was still living in Chicago), and we went to buy a fridge from Home Depot. We bought what we thought was a nice, reasonably-priced side-by-side fridge, took it home that day and hooked it up ourselves. Troy loved this fridge. He loved the filtered water, he loved the icemaker, he loved it with an intensity that I didn't think was possible for him to feel towards a household appliance.

Flash-forward to two years later, we are now living in our own home, and I am about 5 months pregnant. I'd been hearing the fridge make this kind of weird buzzing noise, on and off. I mentioned it to Troy and suggested maybe getting someone to come out and take a look at it. He said that he thought it was just a minor thing and he'd take a look at it when he got a chance. Well, he finally got around to looking at it and realized that it was NOT minor, in fact, he thought it was probably something wrong with the compressor, which was running super hot. We resolved to call someone in to look at it first thing in the morning.

When I got up the next morning, the freezer was dead. When I opened the door, water from the ice bin poured out onto the floor. I started freaking out. I found a local service who sent someone to come take a look at it within the hour and he confirmed that the compressor was totally shot. OK, side note for those of you that don't know anything about refrigerators (and this used to include me), the compressor is like the main component of the fridge. It is what makes your fridge (and freezer) cold. Without it, you just have a big box with some fans and doors. Now, hello, this fridge was only two years old! What the hell kind of fridge breaks in two years?

The service guy was super nice and told me that the compressor should still be under warranty, and that if I called Maytag, they should come fix it for free. Just for kicks, I innocently ask him how much it would cost for him to fix the compressor. I figured if it wasn't too bad, maybe it'd be worth it to have it done on the spot. Well, you know how much it costs to have your compressor replaced? $500. I should add at this point that, brand new, the fridge only cost about $700.

I try to stay optimistic. I call Maytag, tell them my compressor is broken. First, they start by telling me that they cannot accept an outside diagnosis and need to have their own guy come and check it. Fine. I start calling the list of Authorized Maytag Repair places that they give me. Guess what? Most of them no longer service Maytags, and of those that do, NOT A SINGLE ONE SERVICES COMPRESSORS. This is a bad bad sign. This means that A) their refrigerators and compressors are such garbage that no one wants to waste their time on them and/or B) Maytag likely does not take very good care of their service contractors and no one wants to deal with them anymore, probably because they are not getting paid. I call Maytag back. They give me more names. The rep I talk to says that if none of those will come, then they will make an allowance for me to have my own person come out. I call the second list. None of those places service Maytag anymore either. I call Maytag AGAIN and ask about using a non-authorized repairman, like the previous person suggested. This rep basically accuses me of lying, saying that they would never authorize that under any circumstance and they can't believe that anyone would tell me that. I think I hung up on this person.

At this point, I am seriously freaking out. I have food melting and spoiling. Troy has come home from work with bags of ice and we're furiously trying to pack things into coolers. We cook and eat an absurd amount of random frozen food for lunch. There's talk of maybe just going out and buy a brand-new fridge, even though we can't really afford it. Pregnancy hormones are not helping my situation. Troy starts trolling Craigslist for used fridges.

Oh, but it gets worse. I call Maytag back for, I don't know, the fourth or fifth time and tell them that none of the places they gave me will service my fridge and what the hell am I supposed to do now? I don't say this to the rep on the phone, but frankly, I can't understand how their database can be so hopelessly out of date. Half the places I call say they quit Maytag over a year ago. The rep starts naming all these random town, asking me how far they are. Most of them are at least an hour away, which means that even if they do service Maytags, chances are I will never convince them to come all the way out here. This is getting totally ridiculous. So my last option is to have their own certified repairman come out. Supposedly, this is different because this is an independent guy who works directly for Maytag. The only hitch with this is that the first slot they have is in two weeks. Are they f*king serious? At this point, I'm about ready to burst into tears. They tell me that I can have a "rush" appointment for an extra $50. Fine. Whatever. Just send someone. I'll pay. I don't care anymore, I just want it fixed. The first 'rush' slot is in four days. What else can I do at this point? It gets better still. The phone rep tells me that this appointment is only for a diagnosis and he won't have any parts or be able to fix anything. "If the compressor is indeed broken, then he will order the part and make another appointment to return and complete the repair." And how long will that be? "Well, if the part is backordered, it may take up two weeks." I am both fumingly pissed off and openly weeping. I ask them, but what am I supposed to do? I aim for some sympathy. What would you do if you were in this situation? How do you expect anyone to live without a fridge for two weeks? I get nothing. Fine, so I kick into angry mode and I pretty much accuse them of stealing food from the mouth of my unborn child. But those m*therf**king bastards have me. There is absolutely nothing else I can do but accept my fate. For days, I can barely even tell anyone the story without almost crying.

Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about this again. Long story short? We went without a fridge for almost two weeks. As much as I wanted to rip the repairman a new asshole when he finally showed up, I realized that he was not the one at fault. In fact, he was super nice and very apologetic about the whole situation. We did end up buying a small chest freezer from Home Depot and a used mini-fridge from a friend, in addition to borrowing a gigantic cooler from another friend. I still sort of think that we should have bought a new fridge, gotten the old one fixed by Maytag and then sold it, but Troy thought it would be bad for our karma to pass off the shitty fridge to someone else. My philosophy was that hey, it's got a brand new compressor, so it's almost like a new fridge, right? *sigh* Yes, I know, not really. Now every single little pop and buzz I hear makes me nervous that it's going to crap out again any day now. Stupid Maytag.

I should also mention that Troy also curses Maytag at every opportunity. In fact, if anything, he hates them even more than I do. He not only cusses out the commercials, but also anytime we pass a store (there's several in the Dallas area). There's even been talk of throwing a brick through the store window. I think he feels betrayed by the fridge. He loved that fridge and it let him down in the worst way possible.