Hooray hooray hooray!

Honestly, I've been too busy with travel, other blogs, and life in general to keep up with this blog for some time now. My tolerance for reality tv has also hit an all-time low. It makes me sad to realize that my original project has sort of turned into the red-headed stepchild. I'm going to try harder to keep up, but I won't lie, posts here will probably become even more sporadic.

I'm also starting to feel like it's a bit dumb to even post about Top Chef or Project Runway when there are a billion other bloggers writing about them and they probably don't wait 4 days to post either. Whatevs, I'm guessing most of them don't have hyperactive 2-year-olds driving them crazy night and day either. So I'll just say, hooray for Rick Bayless for winning Top Chef Masters (had to root for the hometown guy), hooray for the return of regular Top Chef (T can now resume his crush on Padma) and super hooray for the return of Project Runway!

And then, just because this sketch came up in conversation recently, here's a funny.

Didn't quite see that one coming

If anyone had told me at any point during this season that Hosea would win, I never would have believed it. But to his credit, he pulled it off when it mattered most, helped along a bit by the catastrophic collapse of Carla's judgment, and Stefan's ridiculous over-confidence.

Like with Richard last season, I honestly thought that the title was Stefan's to lose. And while I've previously found his attitude to be entertaining, in this case it was just off-putting. I was especially annoyed when, towards the end or the episode, he made some comment to the effect of how he deserved it because he's been on top so many times. Um, haven't they constantly hammered it home how it's NOT a cumulative contest, and you're only supposed to be judged on that week's competition? Not that the judges actually stick strictly to that rule themselves (um, Fabio's elimination anyone?) but still, whatever, dude.

I was much more disappointed in how Carla just seemed to let Casey take over her menu. It just seemed like a shocking lapse in judgment to decide to use a cooking technique that you have NEVER used before! Hello?! It's the finale! I mean, haven't you had 2 months to really think through what your menu is going to be? I was really rooting for Carla too and sad not just that she didn't win, but also to see her so disappointed in herself at Judge's Table.

As a sidenote, I'm also glad to see that Rocco managed to worm his way into the finale. Bleh. Was that really the best they could do? Especially after having Lidia Bastianich and Jacques Pepin just two episodes before?! I'm sorry, but Rocco sucks. And he has SO definitely had plastic surgery of some sort. Stop denying it man.

Anyways, I guess congratulations are due to Hosea. Good job flying low on the radar, firmly in the middle of the pack, and then staying steady while the other finalists collapsed. Lamest. Win. Ever.

Top Chef, the Oscars and Good-bye Conesy

I haven't written anything about this season of Top Chef, but I thought I'd just weigh in with a few thoughts on that and other happenings this last week in TV.

I have to say, this season of TC has been pretty awesome. The number of really top-notch, world-class chefs that they've had as guest judges....it's unbelievable. I was initially irked by the fact that they started with 157 freaking chef-testants, but once they narrowed it down to 8 or so, it started to be more manageable. T and I have been loving Fabio. We think he clearly deserves his own show. So that being said, we were both more than a little crushed when he got eliminated. I really thought that Stefan deserved to go, but I suspect that they wanted to maintain the "asshole" factor for the finale (see: Lisa).

I also think that despite what they keep saying about it not being a cumulative competition, that's really impossible for them to maintain. Stefan has been crushing almost the whole season, and I've been saying for weeks now that it's pretty much his prize to lose. However, that being said, I think that Carla is definitely a dark horse. T said numerous times during the course of the last episode that if you'd told him 2 months ago that Big Bird (that's what he calls her) would be in the finale, he would've fallen down laughing. Who knew she would come on so strong at the end?

I also felt a little bad for Richard, who was kind of up against impossible odds to make it to the finale. But hopefully this comeback will shave some time off of the 10 years that he said it'll take him to get over being booted. Man, talk about taking it hard....

I'm annoyed that Hosea has made it this far. He's come across as mediocre through most of the show, and the whole "romance" with Leah...bleh. I'm rooting for Carla, but I think Stefan will win.

Briefly, about the Oscars:
I watched most of it on delay on my DVR and let me just say, that was definitely the way to go! I skipped most of the boring speeches (sorry, costume design and documentary short award winners) and got through the show quickly enough that I barely noticed that it went 30 minutes late. Although, even with the ability to skip most of the commercials, I still couldn't help but notice the 8,342 ads for JC Penney! What was up with that? And what happened to the ads overall? Didn't the Oscars used to have good ads? Didn't it used to be considered the "Superbowl for women?" The few commercials I did watch were all old, or just plain garbage.

I thought Hugh Jackman did a respectable job, even if some of the song-and-dance numbers were on the cheesy side, and I also thought the set design and production quality overall was quite lovely. I kinda dug the whole retro-glamour thing. I was excited that Kate Winslet finally got the win, even though I haven't seen The Reader. I've just always loved her though. And I was also very happy that Slumdog Millionaire ruled the evening. Even though I didn't see all the nominees for Best Picture, I did see that one, and it's an amazing film.

Last, but not least, I wanted to comment on Conan O'Brien's last week on Late Night. I've long been a big fan of Conan, and he really did not disappoint last week. He showed many, if not all, of my favorite bits (many of my friends and I still quote lines from the olde-timey baseball bit), and the chopping up of his set was priceless.

T and I have wondered more than once how watered down Conan's going to be when he goes to the Tonight Show, and I have to say, the speech he gave at the very end of his show last Friday night was a nice reassurance that he plans on staying exactly the same (here's a link to watch the last show). I really really hope that's true, since I particularly love his brand of zany nonsense. Oh, and that being said, I was surprised and delighted to see this story today. I was happy to see Andy on the last show, and I'm very curious to see how it'll be to have him back.

Now if only they would take that hack, Leno, off the air for good...

All is right with the world

Congratulations to Stephanie, the hometown winner! Lisa can suck it. That is all.

Words fail me.

I thought that I'd have more to say after sleeping on it, but Lisa making it to the final three...I still can't believe it. She is so awful. I told my sister-in-law last night that I hope she's like Wendy Pepper in season one of Project Runway; she clearly didn't deserve to be in the finals based on talent and everyone knew it, including the judges, who dismissed her pretty quickly.

If Richard or Stephanie don't win this, then there is something seriously wrong with this show.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I saw a commercial for Hell's Kitchen last night and thought, "oh yeah, is this show still on?" I still don't really get the timing of when they started this season. It's usually a summer show, and I know Fox was probably hurting for new content after the strike ended, but I don't think I've watched even one full episode, so I couldn't care less now that they're down to the final five. I know Top Chef is on cable, but why in the world would they go up against it? It only makes their show look all the more pathetic. If they'd used even the tiniest bit of common sense, they would've started Hell's Kitchen NOW. I probably would've watched it. I'd feel dirty about it, but I would've have watched anyways just to get my fix of cooking and crappy reality.

And no, I won't be watching the Next Food Network Star. That show is beyond awful. The whole debacle last season with the guy who lied about his resume...lame.

Six of one, half dozen of the other

I thought about titling this "Goodbye to another Ugly Hat man," but I have to say I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Spike is gone. And deservedly so. But now that means that Lisa is in the finals. Ridiculous. As the episode got down to those last few minutes, I was really really wishing that they'd just ax both of them. I am so sick of even looking at Lisa...but Spike's smart mouth (well, those scallops were in your walk-in...gah!), not to mention idiotic choice of the aforementioned frozen scallops...blech. I'm really really happy to see that Stefanie and Richard made it into the finals. I think it's going to come down to those two, unless one or both of them managed to choke big time at the end, which I hate to admit, may happen with Stefanie. I love her because she seems like such a nice Midwestern girl, but sometimes she does some goofy shit. For some reason, I'm just not a big fan of Antonia. Something about her...it just puts me off. Honestly, I think this contest is Richard's to lose, much like Hung last year.

I also have to mention that I really like how this season, they've done more challenges that were about basic skills. Butchering meat was an excellent idea for a quickfire, especially in Chicago. I'll confess, we spent maybe 15 minutes talking about butchering when I was in cooking school (they gave us some lame excuse that it's rare to need that skill), so I can't butcher a damn thing. But I totally wish that I could.

ARRRGGHHH!!!

I cannot believe that Dale got eliminated!! I'm too upset to say much more than that.

....

Ok, I'll concede that as the Exec Chef, he deserved to take the fall. I can't believe that he was dumb enough to volunteer to be the leader of what was obviously going to be a tremendous train wreck. I think I despise Lisa more than ever now. I can't believe that (barring an even bigger catastrophe) either she or Spike are going to be in the final four. Erg.

It's about frickin' time!

Let's just cut to the chase. Nikki is finally gone! Hooray! I'm sorry, but she was clearly the most useless person, not just in last night's episode but in at least the last 2 or 3 episodes. All she's done is talk about how she's Italian and she makes comfort food, and then when the judges don't like her stuff, she says that she's not doing it for them, she's cooking "for the people." Pfft...whatever! Something about her has just always rubbed me the wrong way, and her food was never spectacular. Goodbye, you won't be missed. (And before you get your panties all in a bunch, no it's not a real mugshot - it's from some lame event.)

I think T is planning on writing another "guest blog" but in the meantime, here are my thoughts. Last night's episode was pretty entertaining. I liked the idea of doing Wedding Wars instead of Restaurant Wars. It's a pretty mean bait & switch to pull though. Catering a wedding is really nothing like working in a restaurant, and to have to pull an all-nighter with no warning - rough. Especially having to make wedding cakes.

Nikki's team had disaster written all over it from the start. You just knew that Dale was going to clash with everyone. And he had every right. Most of those people were morons. I mean, they took what should have been a super easy theme (Italian food) and totally screwed it up. And not to keep bashing Nikki, but way to step up as leader. I mean, if you're connecting with the customer on what he's into, and you have the most experience with the type of food he wants, then WHY would you shirk the leader role? Again, have you not watched this show ever? I understand not wanting to take the bullet if things go south, but you'd at least get props for taking on the challenge! When she flat-out said, "I was not the lead in this effort" at Judges' Table, my jaw about hit the floor. I think you could see the shock and disappointment emanating from Tom's bald head.

Maybe I have a soft spot for Dale since he's Asian and from Chicago, but I think he was a bit unnecessarily villainized by his teammates too. There was a lot of grumbling about how he was doing things wrong or whatever, but no one actually wanted to step up and correct him or offer to take over. I hate that attitude. It's like when you're trying to decide with a group of people what to do on a Friday night, and someone sits there in the corner and says nothing while the decisions are being made, but then once you get to the bar, they're like, "This place sucks. Why'd we come here? I wanted to go to this other place." Well why the hell didn't you say so? It's so easy to complain about decisions after they've already been made.

I thought the smacktalk between Dale & HatBeard was dumb. I understand that at this point, they'd probably all been up for well over 36 hours, so tempers were flaring. And much as I like Dale, it's obvious that his fuse is shorter than most. Punching the locker because they lost the Quickfire...kinda pathetic. But I do think HatBeard was just baiting him. In case I haven't mentioned it before, he REALLY annoys me. Way to cover up for your own lack of work by trying to point the finger at the guy who did the most. Yeah, that made sense. For once, Lisa did the smart thing at Judges' Table and just kept her mouth shut. She knew that her cake, ugly as it was, was going to keep her out of harm's way, and chiming in on their pissy little fight was only going to draw unnecessary attention to herself. Of course, I wonder if part of the reason that she didn't say anything was because she'd fallen asleep standing up. She looked exhausted! Way more so than her teammates, almost to a scary degree.

Not a lot of comments about the other team. It was another lovefest, led by once again by Richard, who I'm begrudgingly beginning to like and root for. I'm with T about the faux-hawk though - it's lame and needs to go. I did think it was pretty cool of him to share his win with Stephanie. And I guess TweakBeard must not have packed enough speed in his bag that day because he was strangely quiet through most of the episode. Although his comment about the "culinary boner"...well, I could've done without that.

Top Chef recap

I've been too busy to post my thoughts on Top Chef lately (although, in a nut shell, good riddance to Zoi and Ryan, even though Nikki clearly deserved to get the hatchet last week). Besides being out of town last week, T & I have also gotten sucked into Battlestar Galactica lately...but that's for another post. So since T is usually full of pithy remarks while we watch the show, I thought I'd put him to work as a guest blogger. Enjoy.

T here – I felt the need to ring in on the topic of tonight’s episode of Top Chef. I was making some snide comments during the show and M put me to the task of writing for one of her several blogs. I won’t even get into the fact that my wife has so many blogs that she has to subcontract out the blogging labor. Let’s get right to the show.

At this point on the show, we can now separate the chaff from the wheat and it is becoming clear who the front runners are. The chefs definitely in the lead are Male Mohawk, Dale, and Stephanie (curly haired Chicago chick). On the bottom are Skinny Brunette, Antonia, The Kiwi and Eyebrow Ring. Somewhere in the middle are the Two Guys That Look Exactly The Same (But One Wears A Hat) and Lesbian Mohawk.

The quick fire challenge is to make dessert. Every year they do this at some point on the show. Every year half the chefs bitch about the fact they never make dessert. This year a few actually figured out they should show up for this reality TV show with at least one good dessert recipe. And surprise! the chefs that did not do well on the challenge were the same ones bitching about now pastry has nothing to do with being a chef. My patience for the complainers on this show is wearing thin.

Male Mohawk wins the challenge with one of the several chocolate and banana dishes. Mostly nothing too exciting was created in the quick fire, but he won with ingenuity of making bananas look like scallops. He also is kind enough to tell the folks at home that he is witty. He then pats himself the back and kisses himself in the mirror. How am I so goddamn sweet?!? Man that Mohawk is looking good! So again he has immunity. He is not going anywhere and a virtual lock for the final four right now.

Then of course the “fun” event comes up and the chefs have no idea they are walking into a trap. This is reality TV! There is no escape from the cameras, there is no relaxing. Somehow this has escaped them all and they are worried about what blazer to wear to look fly at Second City . The hatted Bearded Retard Twin probably took 20 minutes picking out his “on the town” headwear.

Surprise! Those audience members yelling out stuff are designing your dish to improvise! I was astounded that the chefs were not yelling out ingredients themselves….tofu and Polish Sausage aren’t exactly the most exciting of things to cook for an elimination challenge. Why didn’t you yell out something? Wake up!

They draw numbers and end up in teams. The most predictable yet fascinating outcome here is the Retard Twins pairing up so they can rub their red beards together when no one is looking. Dale and Male Mohawk are paired up and probably the strongest team, then Stephanie and Female Mohawk might be next. The other teams are Antonia and Eyebrow Ring (doomed) and Skinny Brunette and The Kiwi (unimpressive).

The Retard Twins clearly offer the most comedy value. They decide to make squash soup for “Yellow Vanilla Love”. The Hatted Twin has been talking about squash soup for what seems like weeks. They think they are each pretty cool and maybe their counterpart Twin might be 2nd coolest of the group in their minds. This show started with two lesbians, but these guys seem to be pretty gay for each other. They are very proud of themselves and their squash soup, despite not having any food processors to get through the disk (improv! you crazy Top Chef producers). I’d like to thank Bravo for not showing these guys making out in the back room and telling each other how awesome each other is.

Dale and Male Mohawk are the front runners, despite having the toughest draw with “Perplexed Green Tofu”. They are so clearly the most creative and skilled chefs on the show it isn’t even funny. They have this nutso idea of making the tofu taste like beef, which sounded insane and risky but these guys are the only ones that could possibly pull it off. The tasting table clearly loved it.

Stephanie and Female Mohawk get into the “Sexy Orange Asparagus” which sounded like a fun dish and they really worked hard to make it look phallic and had fun with it. Seemed like they worked hard on the dish, but it was pretty busy. Their delivery of the dish went over well but Colicchio clearly hated it. Trouble.

The most amazing thing of this challenge was that Antonia and Eyebrow turned “Magenta Drunken Polish Sausage” and ended up serving fish with chorizo over purple potatoes. It drives me insane when people completely ignore the rules of the challenge and make whatever they want and then claim that they are an artist, or in the case of this challenge look at how they improv’ed! I will ignore the rules! I am creative! I will ignore Polish Sausage! I will bring out tequila shots for myself but not the judges! These guys are idiots and are trying very hard to make America hate them.

The Kiwi and the Skinny Chick made something; I don’t remember what it was and it seemed like they were largely edited out. Clearly in the middle of the pack. I want to like The Kiwi due to the afro and the accent (and the fact that I know a Kiwi that has both of these attributes as well and is one of the craziest guys I have ever met) but he seems like kind of a dumbass.

The winners were Dale and MaleHawk and the Soup Twins. No major surprise there except for the hatted Twin was now on chapeau #6 while he bared his soul about how his mother said the mark of a good chef was being able to make a simple soup….didn’t the judges say the exact same thing an episode or two ago? What a kiss ass. I can’t wait to see the fedora he rolls out next week. Dale wins the challenge, and rightfully so. He’s solid and also a virtual lock for the top three or four.

Steph and LezHawk, along with Antonia and BrowRing are the losers. The only really talent in the bottom four this week is Steph so me and M are hoping that she doesn’t get cut in some bullshit way like Tre last season. I figure there is no way the Fish for Sausage team doesn’t lose but I was wrong and LezHawk gets cut. Slight surprise, but she clearly wasn’t going to make it much farther than this anyway. She went on to say that chefs need to “give 1000%” which I find so disgusting that I’m very happy she is gone. I am an admitted math nerd and hate it whenever someone says they have to give more than 100%, but more than the mathematical reason, and the fact that it is freakin’ impossible to give more than “all”, it just makes people sound so stupid. On par with mixed metaphors or saying things like “it’s a mute point”, “irregardless” or saying “literally” for emphasis. No reason for it. These people are what is wrong with America . Good riddance.

Thanks for letting me vent and occupy space on M’s blog. We’re huge Top Chef fans and while this season doesn’t seem as strong as last, the drama levels do seem pretty high. I hope y’all enjoyed my commentary. Don’t look for me on the crafty blog as the most creative thing I can make is an egg sandwich. Peace out! -T

Ok, I have to add a few comments. First off, I have about an equal amount of hatred as T for Richard and the Idiot Twins. I enjoyed Hung's cockiness last season, but Richard is just over the top with his smug, "I'm so clever" attitude. Also, I fail to understand how making bananas look like sea scallops can be considered inspired. Let's see, cut banana into rounds...done.

And the other two...I'm not sure I even want to get started. Hat Twin is annoying because of the ever-changing hat rotation. His personality isn't exactly winning him points either. The digs at the lesbians seem to be a little unnecessary too. The other Idiot Twin is so freaking twitchy I can barely watch him. I swear, he's tweaking on speed.

I'm also endlessly annoyed when the cheftestants complain and make assumptions about how this or that can't possibly taste good, or that the judges are simply WRONG in their opinions. I'm sorry, but no one's paying you for your opinion. And while I think that Ted Allen's culinary qualifications are a bit dubious, he's still probably more qualified than you.

A Top Chef Birthday

One episode in and I'm already hooked! Although I'll confess, I'm a little bit predisposed to like any show set in Chicago and seeing the montage of the city in the beginning made me miss living in a real city all the more.

It's always hard to pick out favorites this early in the game. There's just too many people for them to focus on more than 2-3, and they obviously skew the "story" quite a bit. About 10 minutes into the show, I turned to T and said, I bet Nimma's out. For one thing, it's never a good sign when someone decides the first night that they're going to bed when everyone else is drinking champagne because they're "not here to make friends." I had a feeling she was going to be the weepy isolationist and I wasn't too far off.

Then, the first quickfire. First of all, I was a little disappointed by the quickfire. Making a deep dish pizza was a little lame; yeah, you're at Uno's, could you be more predictable? And on the scale of difficulty, pizza ranks pretty low. I mean, last year, they had to make dishes out of the buffet without knives! Despite the ease, some of the cheftestants managed to find a way to screw it up. Good gravy people, even if you've never eaten a deep dish pizza in your life, you had to know not to fill the whole damn pan with dough! Come on! You have had pizza before, right?

Nimma popped up again (in a bad way) with her underseasoned pizza. OK, I'm going to kick into culinary school food snob mode here for a moment. Underseasoning your food is like, THE lamest, most amateur rookie mistake there is. It is something that is pounded into your head over and over and over again in cooking school. At my school, underseasoning a dish was a major loss of points. I also just went and looked at her bio, and she went to the freaking CIA! She definitely should've known better. Then she had to go and overcompensate by OVERseasoning her dish in the Elimination Challenge. All I could do was shake my head. Again, amateur time. And that cauliflower flan thing....egad. Even if that part had turned out, her dish looked and sounded sooooo boring. A shame, because there's a million things you could do with shrimp scampi.

I've also got to freak out momentarily over the two people who ended up having to make souffles. Ok, again, basic stuff if you have been to culinary school! Not to mention that if I knew I was going on this show, I would have spent weeks memorizing and practicing baking any and everything I could think of. Time and again, people have gotten slammed for tanking a simple dessert. A souffle is really not that complicated for people operating at this level of the game, and the guy who dumped all the crap on top of his souffle? I was speechless.

As far as the cheftestants go, so far, T has a soft spot for the Kiwi, but I think it's only because he reminds T of his friend from New Zealand (aptly nicknamed, Kiwi). That guy, I think his name is Spike? He already annoys the crap out of me. When he said "Padma was like, Casa, m*f*s!" I could only turn to T, slack-jawed. I am also thoroughly over anyone who is into "molecular gastronomy." Seriously people, move on. Ferran Adria has. So should you.

The only guy I like so far is Erik, and that's only because if he wins, he wants to take the money and open a hut on the beach in Hawaii. Sweet.

Oh, and last but not least, I have to comment that the fact that Anthony Bourdain and Rocco DiSpirito were on the same judging panel together cracked me up to no end! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go back and read some of Bourdain's blogs from last season. He is waaaay harsh on Rocco (and deservedly so after that whole debacle with The Restaurant). It's hilarious. I'm really hoping that he blogs again this season.

I'm already looking forward to next week!