Yeesh

I think I've sunk to a new reality television low. I started watching Celebrity Rehab on VH1 last week. Oh. My. God. I think this show is too much, even for me. I forced T to watch with me, and we spent the whole hour squirming in discomfort. But of course, like the car wreck gapers that we are, we could not look away.

For those of you with better moral fiber than myself who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, this is yet another VH1 show where they take disparate washed up "celebrities" and throw them together in manufactured wacky scenarios. Usually, hilarity ensues -- see previous seasons of "The Surreal Life" or "Celebrity Fit Club."

Well, this time, they decided to skip the hilarity and just focus on the really ugly substance abuse side. And man, is it ugly. A quick rundown of the cast, in order of, more or less, most memorable:

Jeff Conway, who had to leave Celebrity Fit Club to go into rehab a few seasons ago, is the most flaming hot mess I've ever seen. It's not even funny anymore. Just really really sad. I don't think they even know how many different drugs he's on.

Mary Carey, porn star and former CA gubernatorial candidate. I think she's mostly a drunk, although judging from how she flipped out when they took away her pornos and dildos, I'd say maybe a sex addiction issue too.

Jamiee Foxworth, also known as the little girl from Family Matters who later did some porn. She's probably one of the more interesting to me because her addiction is to marijuana. It's not often that you really hear about people deciding they have a true problem with how much they smoke, especially since it's such a low-key drug. But apparently, she smokes almost constantly - like an ounce a week.

Chyna, the former wrestler. Honestly, I'm not sure what the hell she's there for, other than publicity. I mean, maybe she has a drinking problem? But it certainly doesn't seem on par with any of the others there.

Brigitte Nielsen, better known as the former Mrs. Sylvester Stallone, and former flame of Flava Flav. Now, if you've ever seen Surreal Life or Strange Love, you know that SHE has a drinking problem.

Daniel Baldwin, the oft-forgotten Baldwin brother. He's also had a fairly well-documented history of drug/alcohol problems. I think he got arrested last year for stealing a car? Something kind of crazy like that. Oddly enough, he's the only one on this show who's already sober and trying to maintain it.

After that, there are a few more people that I'm not all that familiar with. One is some tatted up singer of a pseudo-punky rock band with a heroin/oxycontin problem. And another is a former American Idol contestant (sorry, that's one of the few shows I just never got into) who got into alcohol and I think cocaine.

Oh, and I almost forgot. The ringmaster of this circus is Dr. Drew, from Loveline. I have to say though, I'm sorta impressed by Dr. Drew. I kinda thought that this was another limelight grubbing venture, where he would breeze in and check on everyone here and there. But so far, through the first two episodes, it seems like he's been there the whole time and taken a really active role, especially with Jeff Conway's detox.

Ugh, okay, there's a lot more I could say about this show, but I'm starting to feel dirty. I'll just leave with a few more thoughts - mainly I'm surprised that these people are so willing to air this stuff out in public. It's one thing to have a well-known drug/alcohol problem. It's another to let the whole world see your DT shakes. Regardless of whether they're doing it for the money, exposure, or to genuinely help themselves and others, I will say that showing this to little kids would be a pretty solid anti-drug PSA.

The Travellator!

I've been meaning to post for some time on the whole writer's strike thing and how I'm pretty sure that it's going to bring on reality show armageddon. I mean, Clash of the Choirs? Really? Great googly moogly.

I have to confess though, that I was secretly looking looking forward to the return of American Gladiators. I mean, ok, even at its prime, it was terribly cheese-tastic. And I think it was only ever moderately popular as a syndicated series, so I kind of wondered at the logic behind bringing it back. But after watching a chunk of last night's premiere, I have to say it's pretty entertaining. I think they really did a good job of updating it to make it more "x-treme" but keeping enough of the cheese so that you feel slightly less shame in watching it.

Two hours was a bit much for me, and really, I only watched about the middle half hour (we forgot it was on till and tuned in around 8:30). Mostly, I just wanted to see what they came up with for the Gladiators, and I was not disappointed. Shiny/skimpy costumes? Check. Ridiculous names? Check. Oh, and not to get off track here, but there was one guy - I think his name was Titan - who I swear to god looked like he was made out of wax. Way creepier than any of the "scary" characters, although, the Wolf dude was definitely a close second. I also couldn't help but crack up at the signs that people in the audience were holding up for the "favorites." Are we really supposed to believe that some 42 year-old guy spent a day in his garage lovingly crafting a sign for some Gladiator he's never seen before? It was really pushing the limit for me as far as suspension of disbelief.

The absolute funniest moment for me though was when the two women challengers had to go through the obstacle course. I honestly thought that one or both of them was going to die before they made it through. I mean, it was much longer than I thought it'd be, but to watch them, you would've thought that they were running a marathon through the Sahara Desert! The best part was towards the end, when there was a steep conveyor belt they had to climb up, referred to as the "Travellator." T and I about fell off the couch laughing at the name. It's both terrible and brilliant at the same time. I could see the warped logic behind it: it's kind of like an escalator, but you have to travel against the flow...what about Travellator?!

Even funnier than the name was the fact that one of the challengers was in the lead by a longshot until she reached this thing. Then she struggled and fell off of it about three times before finally making it almost to the top...and just hanging there. I know, it's mean to laugh at someone else's suffering, but if you'd seen it, you would've laughed too.

Oh, I also need to add that a few of the challenges in the Eliminator seemed oddly reminiscent...Ninja Warrior anyone?

Days like this

Are exactly why we live in Texas. It has been in the 70s since Saturday. Pretty much the opposite of Thundersnow. I just went and returned all the crazy warm clothing that I got guilted into buying while in Chicago, and I was expecially excited that I could wear a short-sleeved t-shirt and not even a sweater. Not to rub it in for you folks in the midwest....but nyah nyah!